Sta.sh
Experiment
Are you laughing at my tears?
Does my sobbing make you want
to scream and cry out in pure
twisted joy?
Will you ever be
human enough to know that,
when someone like me can't even
look someone else in the eye,
when they're on the verge of breaking,
when they feel completely
and utterly torn –
that you should be understanding.
I can see it now: you, decked out
in a snow-white lab coat,
me in a cage,
and you poking a gigantic sharp probe
into my brains, digging around
and destroying me slowly –
just to see what happens.
Because you're bored.
In fact, you remind me vaguely
of a 5th grade bully with
magnifying glass in hand,
hovering it over an ant pile
to watch them roast and squirm
and then die.
So yes the great scientist – you –
you've come back for Round 2?
What do you have in store
for me this time? A pair of scissors
to sever the ties between the
people I love? How about tongs
to take away everything from me?
Or will you bring out the big toys –
perhaps a microscope to study
every little imperfection and
make a mockery out of it?
When I react, will you write down
every detail in your Data Book
for late review? Will you sit down,
sipping tea and calmly read
through page after page of my
mistakes and faults, every word
I scream out at you
for putting me through too much pain,
and think of creative new ways
to agonize me?
When the Science Fair comes,
and when you get First Prize
(because you're always #1)
will you gloat about
how stoically you watched as
you witnessed alone my struggle
for stability and control?
Will you make the judges cry
at the details of my failures?
Will you make a big show on the
many times you almost had to
pull the plug?
And then, when they hand you the ribbon,
will you cast me away into the crematory
and disintegrate every single last shred
of my dignity and life?
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(Sorry for writing so much